Episode the Nineteenth: Tuesday with Funny Bunny and Toona

By: Mr. E. S. Stranger

6:00 AM

Dots alarm clock went off. It shrieked at her from the nightstand over and over. Jimi bolted from the room. The Boogeyman put in some earplugs. Frog hopped over to Little Dot and started singing to help wake her up. Toona and Funny Bunny slept.

6:02 AM

Dot awakened to hear the alarm buzzing. She pressed the snooze button.


The alarm went off again. Frog began singing again in earnest. Dot put a pillow over her head. Frog crawled under the pillow.

Time to get up, Dot!

I dont wanna get up, Dot replied.

Frog sang some more. Dot kept the pillow over her head. Finally, Dot reached over and turned the alarm off. Toona and Funny Bunny slept.

7:40 AM

See you later, Funny Bunny, Dot said, and Funny Bunny stirred a bit.

Later, Funny Bunny said.

Later, Toona, said Dot.

Toona yawned. See you.

Dot dashed out of the room, leaving her friends alone in the quiet house. Toona and Funny Bunny went back to sleep.

8:34 AM

Toona woke up, stood, and stretched. Funny Bunny fell off of him.

A little warning next time! Funny Bunny shouted.

Oh. Sorry. Im getting up now. Are you going to sleep more?

Not anymore.

Oh. Cool. Whadaya wanna do, then?

Funny Bunny considered. Wanna check out the fridge?


8:45 AM

I keep forgetting how hard it is to open the fridge, Funny Bunny said, standing on the kitchen island staring into the now-open refrigerator.

Toona stood next to him. He stared into the fridge thoughtfully. I really like the placement of the mustard, he said. Nice use of yellow there.

Its the position relative to the ketchup and relish that makes it work, Funny Bunny replied.

Yes, the condiments generally are placed well.

Do you ever wonder who would actually win?

Win what?

You know, a condiment race. Ketchup versus mustard versus relish.

Oh, yes, of course. I think it would be the ketchup. Its the tallest.

Yes, but dont underestimate the little guy.

Oh, I know. Im sure the relish can hold his own. Its the most enthusiastic. High energy.

Then again, Funny Bunny followed, the mustard is the most aerodynamic.

Oh, yes, I see that now.

They stood there a bit longer. Funny Bunny sighed.

The air from the fridge is nice and cool, he said. Maybe we should just leave the door open all day.

Toona shook his head. No, that will not work. The heat the fridge removes from the inside doesnt disappear but is expelled. The fridge will warm the house more than cool it. Its the, uh, thermodynamics.

They remained there for a bit, and then at last they closed the fridge.

So, Toona asked, what now?

Funny Bunny thought a bit and looked around the room. Shoe battles! he replied. 

Toona gave a nod.


Toona and Funny Bunny each slipped into one of Dots sandals as best he could, and they hopped toward each other, colliding with force, each trying to knock the other over or dislodge him from his shoe. Toona was a bit big for one of Dots sandals, and Funny Bunny was a bit small, so both struggled. After several rounds across the living room, however, it became clear that Toonas size gave him the advantage. Funny Bunny called it.

Okay, you win.

Yeah! Toona shouted. I am the shoe king! He gazed at the sandals they had been using. Soshould we put those back?

Later, Funny Bunny replied. Okay, lets seewhat next…”

Hey, Frog said from nearby. I was wondering if you guys wanted to do some karaoke. Toona and Funny Bunny exchanged a glance.

9:48 AM

Toona started them off with his rendition of Fool on the Hill. Funny Bunny followed with You May Be Right, and Frog gave his all to Dont Stop Believing, having been talked out of My Heart Will Go On. They went around for several rounds, including a group performance of YMCA.

It was just their luck that they happened to be taking a breather when one of Funny Bunnys phones rang. Soon all four of the phones were out on the floor in front of him, and he identified the ringing one. Toona looked on in envy.

Yes, Director Ayloz? Funny Bunny said, putting the phone on speaker.

Agent Knott, the voice on the other end replied, is Agent Furry there with you?

Here, Toona answered.

Excellent, said Ayloz. You have a mission. How soon can you be ready?

Ready already! Funny Bunny shouted.

Excellent. Ive sent a chopper to pick you up. Id prefer to brief you in person. 

The front door opened, then, and a remote controlled helicopter a bit over a foot long flew in. It flew to Toona and Funny Bunny and lowered two small ladders, which the two agents climbed onto, and then it flew them back out, closing the door behind it. Over the rooftops they flew, and Funny Bunny and Toona soon lost track of where they were. Before long, they were descending toward a seemingly ordinary house in a seemingly ordinary neighborhood. They roof opened, and they flew inside. The tiny chopper dropped them off in a pair of chairs across an imposing desk from Director Ayloz, who gave them a buck-toothed smile.

Good of you to come on such short notice, she said, her wings fluttering slightly. There is serious business at hand. It seems our friend Serious Cat has resurfaced.

I knew he wasnt gone for good! Funny Bunny shouted, pounding the table with one plastic lace cap.

I wasnt entirely sure; the evidence was unclear! Toona followed, also pounding the table emphatically with one of his soft paws.

Ayloz suddenly dropped an anvil on the table, which shattered. She stared at Toona and Funny Bunnys startled expressions for a few awkward seconds.

Sorry, she said. Everyone else was doing it.

So, said Funny Bunny, what is Serious Cat up to this time?

Ayloz picked a small remote off of the wreckage of the table and pointed it at a projector, which also sat on the wreckage, slightly askew. A slightly askew image projected onto the wall to the side, broken somewhat by the shadows of broken table fragments.

These images were captured by covert operatives who have been tailing the cat.

Is Serious Cat waving at the camera in that one? Funny Bunny asked.

Possibly. The operatives assigned to Serious Cat are relatively covert. Mostly covert. Anyway, the surveillance tells a clear story. Serious Cat is developing a weapon with the potential to change the world as we know it.

How do we know this? asked Toona.

Ayloz clicked to the next slide. Serious Cat faced the camera, holding a sign reading, I am developing a weapon with the potential to change the world as we know it.

Oh, said Toona.

Ayloz continued. Serious Cat has been stockpiling used kitty litter. We believe hes building dirty bombs. If hes not stopped, hell have the ability to render entire cities unbearably stinky.

Funny Bunny nodded. What do you need from us?

Ayloz changed slides. A forest was pictured.

Theres an entrance to Serious Cats base hidden in these woods. Well drop you some distance away. Your mission is to infiltrate the base and place these at key points inside.

Ayloz held up a tiny hemispherical device about the size of a penny.

If you spread these evenly around, theyll give us a clear picture of the inside of the base. Once youve planted them, get out. Our other teams will take it from there.

Toona studied the image of the forest. Alas, my old nemesis, the outdoors.

Ayloz held up a facial tissue. These have been provided as well. Use them wisely.

Thank you, Toona said.

I wanted to acquire disguises for you, but none of Serious Cats minions are the right size. Youll have to rely on stealth. Everything else is up to you. Any questions?

Funny Bunny raised his arm. If ketchup, mustard, and relish actually got into a race, who would win?

Mustard, Ayloz answered without hesitation. It has the most zip. Our simulations and controlled experiments indicate mustard wins over forty percent of the time, a clear advantage over ketchup and relish.

Science has spoken, Funny Bunny said.

Ayloz clicked to the last slide, which showed the logo for D&Z Covert Ops, and shut down the projector. Thats it. Here are your kits, she said, handing Toona and Funny Bunny knapsacks. Well drop you into the woods near the entrance to Serious Cats lair. Once youve completed your mission, activate your coms, and well send the chopper to pick you up outside.

A blast shook the house, then, and Ayloz turned on a screen mounted on the wall. It showed a camera view of the sky above the roof. Serious Cat hovered there on his flying tricycle, staring at the camera, dressed in a full suit, top hat, and monocle.

Ayloz! the cat shouted. I know you can hear me! Why not come out and chat?

He found us, Ayloz said.

Um, said Funny Bunny, am I the only one wondering why we didnt use that screen for the presentation?

That one connects to the cameras, answered Ayloz.

Sure, but if you hooked it up to wi-fi, you could send your slideshow to it next time.

Hello! Serious Cat continued. I know youre in there. I brought a gift for you.

Somehow, Serious Cat then held a cartoon-style bomb, round and black with the fuse already lit. He tossed it onto the roof and rode off.

Everyone out! Ayloz shouted. Front door up!

The front door appeared nearby, and they hurried through it as the bomb exploded. Outside, they turned to see the house vanish, leaving bare earth behind.

Not again, Ayloz said. She pulled a pad of paper and a pencil out of her bag and began scribbling equations. Toona looked around.

Hey, werent we on the second floor?

This could take a while. Does either of you have a graphing calculator?

I think theres an app for that, Funny Bunny said.

Ayloz pulled out her phone. Right. She kept on with the math. Knock-knock, she said after a bit, and she listened. Nope. Maybe…”

Toona cleared his throat loudly.

Nice throat-clearing noise, Funny Bunny said.

Thanks, Toona replied. Hey, Director Ayloz, can we go now? We have a mission.

Ayloz looked up from her calculations. Oh, right. Here you go.

She pulled out her remote and summoned the chopper, which picked them up and flew them away.

11:00 AM

They reached the forest Ayloz had shown them. In the midst of the trees stood some rocky hills, one of which had been carved into the shape of a frowning cat.

I think thats the location of the secret base, Funny Bunny said, pointing. There will be a back entrance somewhere in the woods.

I see, said Toona. And where do you think the chopper will drop us?

The ladders the two agents stood on suddenly detached, and Toona and Funny Bunny fell to the forest floor below. They got up and brushed off some leaves and dust.

Here, I guess, Toona said. Okay, Agent Knott, lead on.

Funny Bunny led them in the direction he believed would take them to Serious Cats lair. Toona sniffled all the while.

Try not to sneeze, Funny Bunny told him. Youll attract attention.

Okay, Toona replied, and he concentrated on not sneezing.

At last they saw, through a break in the trees, a doorway in the rock. Two cats in uniform stood guard holding high-powered water guns. Funny Bunny sized them up.

I have a plan, he said. You need to surrender.

What? So soon?

Just give me a second, Funny Bunny said. Then, from behind Toona: Okay. Now.

Toona walked forward. The cats raised their water guns. Toona stopped a few feet from them.

Excuse me, he said. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am a stuffed bear. I originally came here to infiltrate this base, but now Id like to surrender. Please capture me.

One guard hesitated. Does this seem suspicious to you? he asked the other.

I dont know, the other replied. Im still learning this job. I still havent done all of my on-boarding.

Seriously, Floyd? You need to take care of that HR stuff. Theyll come down on you for it if you dont.

Hey, said Toona, are we doing this?

Right, said the first cat, and he moved forward to disarm Toona.

Funny Bunny leaped over Toonas head from where he had been clinging to Toonas fur and landed on the cats water gun. The cat saw the laces waving about, dropped his gun, and swiped at the shoestring bunny. Floyd dropped his as well and joined his partner in trying to trap Funny Bunny, who dodged nimbly about.

Now, Toona! Funny Bunny shouted.

Huh? asked Toona. You didnt explain the plan.

Use the gun! Funny Bunny said.

Toona grabbed one of the fallen guns and squirted the cats in turn, laughing maniacally in his rich baritone all the while. The cats forgot all about catching Funny Bunny and turned to face Toona. They held their ground at first, but Toona soaked them relentlessly, and at last they fled into the woods. Toona put the gun down and looked at the door. An access panel was to the right.

How do we get in there? he asked, sniffling a little.

Boost me up, Funny Bunny said.

Toona walked into the recess. Funny Bunny climbed onto his head.

Use the gun. Lift it up, Funny Bunny said, and Toona grabbed a water gun and held it straight up. Funny Bunny climbed to its top. He could just reach the panel.

Theres a com button here, Funny Bunny noted, and he pushed it.

A voice came through. Can I help you?

This is Floyd, Funny Bunny said. I need in.

Just use your badge.

I left my badge at my desk, Funny Bunny replied. Im sorry. Can you just let me in to get it?

You need to stop doing that, the voice said. Ill let you in, but this is the last time.

Thanks. I owe you, said Funny Bunny, and he hopped down. The door opened, and they went in. Easy peasy. Now we just wander a bit, place those thingies every so often, stay out of sight, and leave.

They stealthily crept around the base, every so often placing one of the tiny hemispherical doohickeys somewhere it wouldnt be seen. Their small stature and quiet footsteps kept them hidden as they snuck around. At last they came to a door labeled Keep Out.

Locked, said Funny Bunny softly. We should find a way to break in.

Weve only got one or two of those thingamabobs left, Toona replied. Besides, the door clearly says to keep out.

Funny Bunny shook his head. We need to get in there. Ill bet thats where Serious Cat is keeping the weapons.

Quite right! came a voice behind them, and they turned to see Serious Cat, formal clothes and all, leading a group of minions. Would you like to see it?

Eh, Toona said. I could go either way.

I insist, Serious Cat answered. He walked up to the door and punched in a code. The door hissed open. In, he commanded.

Toona and Funny Bunny went in, followed by Serious Cat. A giant rocket and launchpad were inside.

Whoa, Toona said. Thats a big rocket.

Yes, Serious Cat agreed, and youll have front-row seats to its launch. Minions, secure them to the rocket!

Toona and Funny Bunny struggled, but they couldnt stop the feline minions from securing them to the giant rocket with strong tape. Serious Cat waved his minions out and went to a console. He pressed a few buttons, and a clock up above them started counting down from three minutes.

Soon, youll be gone, and my plan accomplished! Serious Cat shouted.

And just what is that plan? Funny Bunny asked. You have to tell us now that youre about to kill us.

Yes, I take the Villain Code quiteseriously, replied Serious Cat. Its quite simple. All the stinky material Ive gathered is in the missile atop this rocket. I have one target: your neighborhood!

Toona and Funny Bunny gasped.

Yes, Serious Cat continued, Ive long wanted to render that area uninhabitable. The warhead will detonate in the air for maximum dispersal. I designed it all myself. I also installed the kill switch, the passcode to which is one, two, three, four, five.

Wow, said Funny Bunny. Youre being very candid.

Well, seeing as you are about to die, I might as well tell you everything.

I see. And why target our neighborhood? Why not keep the weapon and hold the world hostage?

Because Im evil. And because that despicable Ayloz is there. Shes been a persistent thorn in my side. But no more. Soon, that whole region will sicken all who smell it! This is where I would laugh maniacally if I werent so serious. If you would laugh evilly for me, I would appreciate it.

Funny Bunny produced a wicked snicker, and Toona let out a raucous guffaw.

That is sufficient, Serious Cat said. And now to watch you meet your end.

Hey, Toona, said Funny Bunny.


Are you still holding onto that sneeze?

Toona sniffed. Yeah.

Let it rip!

Toona let his sinuses loose, then, and a powerful sneeze shook the room and broke the bonds holding them. They landed on the floor. Serious Cat bolted for the door.

Blast! he shouted. He turned at the door. You can catch me or stop the missile. The choice is yours!

He dashed out. Toona and Funny Bunny hesitated. Toona glanced at the clock.

Ten seconds! he shouted.

To the missile! Funny Bunny shouted. Grab onto the tape!

They ran to the missile and leaped onto it, sticking to the remnants of the tape used to bind them earlier. The rocket ignited and carried them up, through the roof of the base and into the atmosphere.

The tape sure is strong! Toona shouted as the rockets acceleration tried to pry him loose.

Finally, the missile began to tip. Wings extended, and it leveled off. Wind whipped past them.

How do we stop this? Toona shouted.

They heard two quick beeps from the missile, then, and a robotic voice spoke from it. You asked, How do we stop this? Searching for possible answers. Answer found. To stop this missile, you will need to recite the override code and say, Abort. Would you like me to repeat that?

Cool! A digital assistant! Funny Bunny shouted. Can you play Rocket Man?

Playing Rocket Man,’” the voice said, and the song began. Toona and Funny Bunny listened for a bit. Toona looked around.

So, uh, how long do you think before this thing explodes?

Huh? Funny Bunny replied. Oh, right. Lets seewhat was that kill code again? 

One, two, three, four, five! Toona shouted.

Right! One, two, three, four, five, abort!

The missile disappeared, then, and Toona and Funny Bunny fell. They landed unharmed, stood up, and looked around.

Theres home! Funny Bunny said, and sure enough, their house wasnt far away.

I guess we sort of cut that one close, Toona remarked.

Who cares? We won. Lets get inside.

They ran to the door and knocked. Zoyla opened it.

Oh, hey guys, she said. Since my house is having another existential crisis, Im borrowing yours. Very temporary. Frog and I have been playing Scrabble. Feel free to join us.

Toona and Funny Bunny walked in, and Toona pushed the door closed. Zoyla stopped and turned on her way to the couch.

Oh, so, mission complete?

Complete, Funny Bunny answered.

Zoyla and Frog reset the board, and they all played Scrabble together.

4:10 PM

Toona yawned a great yawn. Funny Bunny looked at him in annoyance.

Stop that! the bunny said. If you yawn, I—“

Funny Bunny yawned, then, and Toona yawned, and Funny Bunny yawned again, and they decided it was time to take a break. Zoyla and Frog put the game away. Together, Toona Bear and Funny Bunny walked back to Dots nightstand, climbed up, settled down, and went to sleep.

4:16 PM

The front door opened, and Dot, her mom, and her brother came home. Dots brother nearly tripped on a sandal and complained about Dots always leaving her shoes lying around. He sat down on the couch, found a Scrabble piece someone had dropped there, and set it aside to put away later.

Dot went to her room to put her things down. Freed of her burden, she looked around the room.

Hey, guys, she said.

Toona opened an eye. Oh, hey Dot. How was your day?

Fine. How about you? Did a lot of napping, I see.

Toona yawned. A little.

Hey, Little Dot, Funny Bunny said sleepily.

Hey. Enjoying your nap?

Mmm hmm.

Good. Now that Im back, maybe we can work a puzzle.

Her friends slowly got up and joined her working a puzzle. Her brother came in a bit later, wanting to play computer games with her. Then there was dinner, and she got ready for bed.

Before Dot lay down, she scratched Funny Bunnys and Toonas heads behind the ears a bit. So,” she said, any plans for tomorrow?

Funny Bunny shrugged. Eh. Same old same old.

Dot laughed. Must be nice lazing around all day.

Mmm-hmm, Toona replied drowsily. Dot turned off the lights, crawled into bed, and went to sleep.